“i am not learning anything” what weakens the mind strengthens the heart. love remains when roles of father and daughter fade and disappear. without the guidance of labels, without the memories of what has passed between us, love is the presence, visible, effortless, all there is

“i do not know where i am” Alzheimer’s is a transformation, a passage, from one reality to another. Miracles aside… where unexplained change occurs at the speed of light…transformation often begins with resistance and fear until faith allows the emergence of the unknown. the path is dark, isolating, otherworldly, distressing when viewed from the perspective of the five senses… until the mask of ego falls

it’s tuesday april 5th, i am back on the vineyard, water all around me, i love that

it’s monday april 4th, my last day in aix, i have come to marchutz to drop off turpentine, some paint, so good to see alan and john, two threads in the fabric of my life, the fabric changed in content, color, weight, the cloak that i wear, in the light of provence, i can almost see

it’s sunday april 3rd, my last day to paint vers les lauves, early and overcast i am walking up to chemin de la marguerite, there is a woman on the way down with one of those cute white dogs with the french name, b something, she doesn’t say don’t paint the mountain she says it’s better in the afternoon, i know we are going to talk, about the direction of the sun, my destination, the olive trees which will keep the sun out of my eyes for a while, the dishtowel around my head after that, the view from her home where she has lived for twenty years, tunisian by origin, i ask about recent events, she is hopeful, and i have had an interest in north africa, she takes out her cell phone, shows me photos of sidi bou said, wait a few years she says, in parting we exchange names, brigitte, barbara, both b’s she says, bijon frise, mediteranean origin

i was going for grey violet, will address the number 2 later, going out to paint

mon ancien atelier, 2 rue du refuge, still my internet address, i include it in my aix blog because of that number 2, it is where my intent has been most clear, history has it that a property was purchased by the city in 1647 to house prostitutes for reeducation, still a place of transformation

2 rue des bremondis, there are no meaningless coincidences, for me, they are messages, signs, confirmation, conscious coordinates, leading to the other side of rumi’s curtain

my first apartment in aix, attending the institute, marchutz, the door happens to be open

there have been lots of 2′s in my life. i did not realize how many until i passed a door in aix and began to think symbolically about the differences between aix and marseille and my intent in each location, la porte, n. fem. an entrance to a space, protection when closed, le port, n. masc. an entrance to a space, protection, shelter, always open